Dating Denial

I have been avidly following another blog for the past couple of weeks.  The author is undergoing a dating experiment, 30 dates in 3 months.  I tell you, I have to take my hat off to her, the whole concept sounded exhausting, and sure enough, when I started reading about her progress, she was indeed exhausted after about 2 weeks.

Except now I think a spanner has been thrown into the works in the form of Date#9, whom she appears to like and who we could also now call “Date #14”, if we were so inclined.  What interests me about this, is that even after Date #9 and admitting that she liked him quite a bit, she specifically expressed displeasure at the prospect of falling for him because she didnt want  to fall for anyone for a number of reasons (she’s in the wrong country- i.e America and she wants to be back in the UK, he’s American and most importantly, she is not yet even halfway through her little social experiment!).  Here, here Kat! We all want you to finish your experiment too, it provides for a great read!

But you cant control these things, Love will come when and where it chooses and there is not much we can do about it. People keep telling me that it always happens when you least expect it, or when you stop looking for it. So, consequently my friends keep telling me to “stop looking”, “dont think about it”.

Now, Im intrigued to find out about how this situation with Date#9 (or #14 depending on how you look at it), progresses.  Because, I am compelled to ask: How does one simply stop looking?

Sure, I’ve decided for now that I want time on my own, and for the first time in a long time I am starting to enjoy my own space, (and hopefully soon my own space will truly be my “own” space) but does that mean I’m not looking for a life partner? Not at all.  I still find myself sizing [eligible] people up without even thinking about it, wondering if they could end up being the person I spend my life with, or at least, someone I could see myself in a relationship with.  I admit I look for evidence of a wedding ring when I meet a man who, in the first 5 seconds has managed to tick at least a couple of my boxes (figuratively speaking).  In fact, these days, I pretty much find myself looking for the ring regardless- and I tell you, it never ceases to amaze me how many undesirable (and  by this I mean in character, not in appearance) men manage to find themselves a wife, who in my experience often turn out to be the kindest, most deserving of good husbands, women that I know.  I should point out here that I also mean this in repect of the opposite scenario too, there are plenty of seemingly undeserving wives out there who have managed to land themselves the most loving husbands, and yet they seem entirely unappreciative of this fact.

And for those people who constantly sprout that they are not looking – yet then proceed to list all of the characteristics of people they know which make them unsuitable life partners- surely the fact that you have disregarded someone as being capable of filling that role, is an indication of having looked in the first place?

Take Kat’s experiment for example.  She started the experiment stating that she wasnt looking for a partner, but just wanted to meet new people in a new city. A very admirable goal, and given her wit and bubbly personality (from what Ive read), I expect her to come out at the end of the 3 months with a large number of new friends, probably more than she can handle. But after every date we (more or less) get the lowdown as to why these people are not suitable boyfriend material (and yes, as expected there have been the occasional sleezebags who would not even have a chance of being considered “friend” material either).  However, generally speaking, characteristics which result in these Dates being struck off the potential “Boyfriend” list are not necessarily always sufficient to get them off the “just friends” list.  So, even without intending to, one must conclude that Kat is indeed, looking.

And I say there is nothing wrong with that. 

Right now, I am enjoying the freedom to do what I like when I like, but any assurances I make about not wanting to find a partner? Well, I think that could be simply be viewed as good old fashioned denial and if not denial, a lie.  Just because I dont go out seeking dates at the moment, does not mean that when I do get asked out on one I wont give it serious consideration, because ultimately, I am looking.

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