Year of the Doppelganger

I just got back from a lovely, lovely evening out to dinner with friends. Ok, so its a Tuesday night and I generally shy away from nighttime activity on a school night. But…it was free. Sort of. Free for me. One of my BFF’s happens to be a mortgage broker, and every time her friends send her work which results in a mortgage, she uses the commission (or a part thereof) to take the referer to dinner! In this instance, I referred Mr X, so I can say, at least one good thing came out of that whole mess. Tonight both I and BFF’s sister were on the list, to try out a somewhat new restaurant -which, I have to admit I have been to before, but that was when it first opened and they were understaffed and it was just a little bit of a let down- but not tonight, big thumbs up. Even the service was great, which in Perth (for those who dont know) is something of a rarity. Living in this State has its perks, with a strong resources industry, which has largely managed to cushion us from the worst of the GFC. However, the downside is that a booming resources sector makes it very difficult for the hospitality industry(and most other industries for that matter) to retain good staff (if any). Let’s be honest, who in their right mind would want to wait on rude customers and work nights and ridiculously early mornings for $40k when they can get a FI/FO job driving a truck or making beds for $100+k??

If it had been a Friday night, I would still be there, curled up in my little retro armchair situated under the heater, pinot in hand, sampling some delectable treats and enjoying fabulous company, but alas, it is a Tuesday and I have a PT session to front up to tomorrow (which I am quite concerned about in light of the fact that I went to the gym today and could barely lift the weight that I so effortlessly manouvered 2 weeks ago. whooops, guess that 2 weeks of no exercise has taken its toll), and speaking of which, my trainer would be horrified to know that I consumed carbs AND protein AND fat ALL in the same meal! (He has this thing about eating certain food combinations and I don’t exactly understand it but all I know is that seems to me to be completely counter intuitive and whenever I email him to proudly announce I have discovered a new healthy snack alternative to chocolate…my pride bubble is promptly burst and he informs me with grave concern that the “healthy” snack is anything but and in fact the chocolate would be better. As you can imagine, I don’t dwell too much on my burst bubble and promptly hightail it to the nearest deli). I don’t know how I’m going to break it to him that not only have I ditched training altogether for a while but I also must have consumed every food combination known to man in the space of 3 hours- the upside being that somewhere in all that self indulgent gorging there is bound to be a few “good” combos. Tsk tsk his star pupil, who never complains about him putting the weight up, even if it renders her incapable of walking like a normal human being for the next 7 days, has officially fallen from grace.

So, anyway, tonight was a special night. Not only because I got to stuff myself silly and laugh and sigh contentedly for a good 3 hours, but tonight…we got to meet BFF’s sister’s new BF (look at me go with these acronyms, Im on fire! Although I have to say that for some reason, I dont like the acronym BFF but I will continue with it now as I have a lot to get through and the battery icon on my laptop is halfway gone already- man this baby really chews up the juice! Again, looking forward to my Mac purchase). This is a very big deal indeed. For, though she has been dating this man for a number of months now, quite steadily….none of us have met him. This is entirely a result of the fact that BFF’s sister thinks that if she introduces a new guy to her family too soon, it jinxes the whole thing [for all intensive purposes Im considered family, I am the non-blood relative who never fails to score an invite to family functions, I choose to ignore the fact that I get said invite because they take pity on me thinking I have nothing better to do…which I don’t] Where was I? Oh yes, jinxing. Particularly as her mother does have a tendency to get very excited about new potential husband prospects- said mother is what my mother is becoming- Panicked. It’s that panic that sets in with all mothers when their daughters reach mid-thirties and still has not managed to find a suitable mate to settle in with and begin producing grandchildren to the exultation of all grandmothers-in-waiting.

He turned out to be lovely of course, but low and behold. He is a fabled doppelganger of someone I used to know. Same teeth, same accent, same mannerisms, same haircut, same shaped head,-slightly more articulate- but for all intensive purposes: Substantially identical (I threw that in especially for the patent attorneys out there…yes, I’ve been drafting).

What’s even stranger about all of this, is that this is not the first doppelganger I have encountered this year!

When I started my new job a few months ago I was introduced to a co-worker with whom I did a complete double-take. He is the exact (albeit younger) version of a friend of a friend who I have known since first year uni. Same body shape, same hair, same face, same teeth, same voice, same slightly odd lip-pursing-mid-sentence mannerism. Although, somewhat more sensible head on his shoulders. He looks so identical to this person (as I knew him to be about 13 years ago), that I was convinced he was a close relation- younger brother perhaps? No, no relation. Remarkable.

The other odd thing about all of this is that in both cases, the doppelganger seemed somehow – there is no way to say this without sounding plain mean-….better than their counterparts. It’s subtle but they might have appeared slightly smarter, or more grounded, or better dressed, more articulate, nicer to listen to, less irritating with their I-am-never-wrong-about-anything-and-Im-going-to-continue-to-argue-with-you-until-you-give-in attitude (oops digressing again).

Suffice to say, I like the doppelgangers better. Which causes me great concern. Is this a common theme with doppelgangers? Did God, when he created the original, realise he screwed up the recipe a bit and therefore decided to have another crack at it to fix the flaws? Is the world’s population nothing more than one big batch of human muffins after another, which God is doggedly determined to perfect? Each batch better than the last? I dont want to be a freakin’ muffin! Even less so a substandard one! Far out, it is bad enough that I am faced with my own flaws and quirks on a daily basis but to be faced with the possibility that somewhere in the world there is a younger, prettier, smarter, more together version of myself is enough to make me flip out!

I am flipping out.

So, Im not that superstitious, but one thing I do believe in is that things happen in multiples of a minimum of three. Therefore, tonight, instead of pulling out my journal and writing down three things that I was grateful for today, I offer up this bedtime prayer:

Dear God,

At the risk of sounding picky and demanding, if I am to be faced with one more human muffin aka “doppelganger” this year, do you think you could make it a sweeter, slightly taller, totally in love with me version of Mr X, with the same laughing eyes and smoothe, beautiful voice that I could listen to for hours, please?

Minus the emotional incompetence and fear of commitment.



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