Quiet as a Mouse?

Mouse Trouble: Good as New

I have a work issue.  More accurately, I have a work colleague issue.  The issue is that while I respect him for his sharp intelligence and love him (no, not that way) for his kind and warm-hearted nature, sharing and office with him is driving me a little batty.  It’s also making it difficult for me to actually get any work done.  He’s a little older (perhaps about 25 years older) and I’m not sure he has grasped the concept of how to use a mouse.  Either that, or he knows perfectly well how to use a mouse but the various incompetencies of some of the people he has to work with (not me, for the record!) frustrate him so greatly, that in order to maintain his jovial facade….the mouse must die.

Thus, he proceeds to -with great vigour- SLAM the mouse onto the desk at every given opportunity, and bereft of a mouse-pad, our office erupts in a continuous, crazed cacophony of beat-and-click to an unpredictable and unrecognisable rhythm understood only by the percussionist.

It is wishful thinking to expect my brain and my twitching eyes to extract any sense from the 30 pages of arguments put forth by our opponent in an appeal to the Patent Office’s decision which deemed their patent application unpatentable. By Tuesday lunchtime I am jittery with the echo of the ever-present staccato reverberating through my brain and body, that it renders me useless to do anything productive.

It would appear that my Search for Serenity, as suggested by my chosen title for this blog, is still far from complete.

So, last week I put in a request for a mouse pad and I believe it has arrived and is now sitting on my desk.  My only dilemma now is, how do I get him to use it without having to tell him that if he does not, very soon I imagine the sound of his tortured mouse to become so embedded in my brain that it will never leave, and in a snap of insanity I may be inclined to beat him to a bloody death with my own mouse.

Or, perhaps I might be forced to move office.

But either way, he may be offended and I really don’t want to offend him because other than his smash-mouse tendencies, I actually think he’s lovely.


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