Thirty seven.
THIRTY SEVEN!
Oh, how I have been ruing this day. I have tried denial – attempting to convince myself that it wasn’t happening. I have wailed into my pillow, sifted through the regrets of failed relationships, berated myself for unsuccessful ventures, admonished the many missed workouts and few too many spoonfuls of Maggie Beer’s burnt fig ice cream.
I have gazed in defeat upon the soft lines around my eyes in the mirror, and the streak of grey hairs that has quite suddenly morphed into a blanket of silver, which in some lights, does not blend with the blonde nearly as well as I thought it did.
Last year I tried to pretend my birthday didn’t exist, though I did invite a few girlfriends to brunch and then promptly burst into tears the moment one of them sat down at the table.
But this year – despite my anticipation of it feeling so much worse – somehow….I don’t.
I feel …OK!
I feel indifferent to the number and its significance to the “downhill run to 40”.
Though the title of this blog is somewhat misleading – by “all figured out” what I really mean is that I have figured out that I don’t have it figured out, but that’s alright, because I’ve also figured out that no one else has it all figured out, either.
My life is definitely not perfect, I still work too much, I still haven’t pitched an article to a publication (despite having dozens of ideas of things to write about), I still haven’t lost that extra 8kg, I still haven’t renovated my backyard, I still don’t walk my dog EVERY day, and I still cant do more than 3 unassisted chin-ups (well actually, I cant do any at the moment due to a rather painful neck & shoulder problem).
However, it’s never going to be perfect so, I might as well strive to be better, and otherwise enjoy the bits that are good now.
Because tomorrow it might be different again.
Sx
In Search of 'Serene' 